but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
