then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
