some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
