Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize