I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
