In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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