remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
