How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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