I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
