So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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