Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
