Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
