Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize