No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
