There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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