Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
