I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
