when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
