I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize