I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
