I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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