His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
