i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
