I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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