worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
