shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
