You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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