Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize