Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
