my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is wine microwaveable?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
