So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
