To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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