it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
