just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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