You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
do nipples grow back?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
