New invention idea: vibrating tampons
tell your sister to shave her snatch
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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