Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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