we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
