Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
