so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
