How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
