Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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