When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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