we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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