Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
