I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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