Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
