Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
