In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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