Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
