kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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