That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just pynch a tree in the face
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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