how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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