i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
