She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
