nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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