none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
