You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
