Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
