Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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