I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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