You really coming over, don't trick.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
