We named our party play list daddy issues
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
