Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize