A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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