I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
