so that wasnt chicken after all
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
