no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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