What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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