She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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