i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
