kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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