Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
