she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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