If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
found the other keg... it's in the tree
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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