i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
