Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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