i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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