no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
