I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
