sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
