Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize