dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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