Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
