woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
my liver is dry heaving
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize