You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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