Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
