We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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