well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
