I just cut my nipple shaving
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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