What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize