Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
