The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
