I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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