i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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