what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
