He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
